


Levi, The Wannabe Personal Therapist

by GhostLalita



Series: Awkward First Meetings AU [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack, Drabble, Drabble Collection, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Crack, Fluff without Plot, M/M, Oneshot, Prompt Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-09
Updated: 2015-04-09
Packaged: 2018-03-22 03:06:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3712453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GhostLalita/pseuds/GhostLalita
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on the “Hey you called this number at like 3AM and we talked about some pretty heavy shit do you remember any of that?” AU idea I got from a tumblr post. I'm doing all the AU ideas on that list so you'll find more fics in this series.<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	Levi, The Wannabe Personal Therapist

**Author's Note:**

> this was my first fic, i wanna edit it but im too lazy lol. this is a cute bad fic, it's sentimental man.

I always had insomnia since I was a teenager, so I wasn't surprised that I was pulling another all nighter, trying to finish another inconvenient essay. Just when I was about to finish the third body of the essay, my phone started buzzing loudly on the hardwood table, startling me, since I was so focused on this shitty essay for the past 4 hours.

 

"Shit." I mumbled as I reached for my phone to answer whoever the fuck thought it was okay to call me at 3:18 in the fucking morning. 

 

Unknown Number.  

Well I got nothing better to do than this bullshit essay so I might as well answer this.  
 

I press the answer button, hoping I won't regret answering this potential fuck nugget of a stranger. 

 

"Who are you and what the fuck do you want."

 

"Hello? Is this Armin? I think I got the wrong number since he got a new phone number and stuff."

 

Wow. No fucking shit, Sherlock.

 

"No, it's not Armin and why the hell would you call him if its 3:00 in the fucking morning."

 

"Well, he's my best friend and I wanted to test his new phone number out now since he's usually up at this hour." The stranger said in an offended quiet tone.

 

Okay then. Another kid maybe suffers the same disorder I have. Good to know.

 

"Then I guess you will have to go ask for his number again. Bye-"

 

"No! Wait!"

 

"What the fuck do you want, kid?"

 

This little shit is getting on my nerves now.

 

"I kinda lied about just testing his number out. What I really wanted was to ask my friend to give me advice about a certain issue that I have.."

 

I have no clue why I randomly care about this fuck nugget of a kid, that's bothering me for advice that I don't even think will be relevant to his situation, but,

 

"Fine, what shit did you get stuck in?"

 

I hear a cute snicker on the other end that made my heart skip a beat for some bullshit reason. Great.

 

"Okay, so my ex boyfriend, Jean, wants me to take him back after he cheated on me with a close friend of his."

 

I'm guessing this kid has no idea how a break up works then.

 

"Oh my god, you never take an ex back if he cheats on you with someone, especially if it's a close "friend."

 

"It's been like a month now, and we've been going out since I was 15 and I'm 18 now and I've just grown to love him even though he's full of shit half the time I'm around him. I just can't get over the fact that he was my first love and I can almost always get over any mistake he's done. He said that he and Marco were drunk off their asses that night and decided to fuck so I can forgive him if he wasn't aware of cheating, right?"

 

Why do I feel slight jealousy over a hormonal raging kid that I don't even know. The world may never know. And I'm guessing Marco is his ex's fuckbuddy.

 

"Okay, sure, he had an affair with his best buddy because they were drunk, mediocre story. But what if he really wasn't drunk, and he was telling a bullshit lie? Would you forgive him then?"

 

"Maybe..."

Well if you're gonna answer like that, then you truly are fucked.

 

"Listen, if you witnessed him accidentally having a one night stand with a friend due to alcohol, maybe he truly did accidentally fuck up. Go to his place tomorrow and see if he's there. If he isn't, call him to see if he's really busy."

 

"Okay, thanks for the advice, man. But.. can I keep you as a contact so you can be my personal therapist for this situation?"

 

This fuck nugget has a lot of nerve for asking me this. If this kid didn't sound cute and act like a pure cinnamon roll that's too pure for this world, then I would've told him to go fuck himself.

 

"Fine, but at least give me your name so I wouldn't just label you as Fuck Nugget in my contacts."

 

Then he starts cracking up on the other line like I told him that I like to be called Daisy in bed (I promise you, I don't.)

 

"Wow, "Fuck Nugget", that's a new one. Okay, I'm Eren."

 

Pretty name for a pretty sounding boy.

 

"Levi."

"So, I'll call you tomorrow after I speak with my ex?"

 

"Yea, sure."

 

"Okay then! Thanks for the advice, Levi!"

 

Great, I liked the way my name sounded when he said it. Now I'm the one who's fucked.

 

"Anytime, Fuck Nugget" I said carelessly even though my heart feels like it's gonna explode due to heart failure caused by a cinnamon roll on the other end.

 

He giggles and then hangs up. 

 

What shit did I get myself into.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

It's 8 p.m and I get a phone call and the caller ID says "Fuck Nugget" with a picture of a chicken nugget since I didn't know what this shitty brat looks like  yet. So of course I answered it.

 

"Yo."

 

"L-levi..." I hear him say in a shaky voice, while he blows his nose on the other end.

 

Well then, shit went down today.

 

"What did the fuckboy do." I said in a quick, concerned tone.

 

How dare this fuckboy of an ex make this pure innocent cinnamon roll cry. Cinnamon rolls don't cry. They're not supposed to since they're too busy looking cute and fluffy like this kid probably is.

 

"S-so, I went to his h-house right? A-and I knew his horse-faced ass was in there since his lights were on, s-so I basically broke in to his place since we're close like that and stuff."

 

What the fuck is this kid talking about. Breaking in is the norm for this kid. Another good thing to know.

 

"That's kinda fucking creepy to do but, okay."

 

"W-whatever, expired coupon. S-so I hear some random shit moving upstairs. So, of course I go up there, a-and Jean is fucking making out with his fuckbuddy, Marco again! L-like he was literally making out with him like he was a really enthusiatic christian and that Marco was like the fucking messiah or something! I love Marco to death since we're friends and shit, but seriously! Why even fucking bother with a relationship with me if you're going to fuck Freckled Jesus!"

 

He starts crying again and now I'm just really lost now.

 

"Okay, listen. Now that you know that Jean is full of shit, you can finally let go of his pompous ass. If he truly knew who he was leaving, then he must be a complete dumb ass to cheat on you, a most likely cute cinnamon roll that did nothing wrong and deserves to be pampered with the icing that it deserves. Yea, you can be a fuck nugget sometimes, but when you break out of your chrysalis, you become an innocent cinnamon roll. Seriously, fuck Jean and freckled Martin."

 

"......"

 

Did I really just say all that shit. Yes, yes I fucking did. And I'm proud.

 

"Thanks for the advice again, Levi. I realized that I just need to do better for myself. Because I know I can do better. I am the pure innocent cinnamon roll. I should always see myself as a precious pastry that's too good to eat. Thank you for reminding me to see myself in that light. I really appreciate it." He said in a resolute voice.

 

Okay, that was not the reaction I was expecting. I thought he would've hit the end call button immediately but no. Talk to the stranger who just compared you to a fucking pastry.

 

"Uhm. Alright then. You okay over there?"

 

"Yea, I feel much better now. Uhh, can I have your address. I kinda want to see your face and thank the person who helped me out and become friends with you and stuff.."

 

He said it all shy and enthusiastic, but you never know if that's just him acting like an innocent cinnamon roll and trying to plot my demise.

 

"Yea, sure. You wanna come over now?"

 

"Yea, of course."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

We somehow happen to be in the same city, Trost, and he lives like 15 minutes away so that's a good thing since we won't be in a long distance relationship (or friendship which is alright if he doesn't wanna be with a guy with a 15 inch dick.)

 

I hear a knock at the door. I go over to the door and open it, prepared to kick a possible fuck nugget that came here to kidnap me and sell my organs on ebay. But when I opened the door I was shocked to see a pair of oval sea green orbs stare right down into my boring squnity grey eyes. And the fact that he was 10 inches taller than me pissed me off.

 

"Oh my god... you're so.. tiny- Ow!" he exclaimed after i kicked his dumb ass in the shin. 

 

"Yea, I know, I have a mirror. Come in, fuck nugget."

 

"You can call me something different for once you know that, right?" he says while he walks into my poorly sized studio apartment that I got since it was the only thing I could afford with my student loans.

 

"Yea, but I like fuck nugget better, so get used to it."

 

Eren decided to ignore me and just stand in the middle of the room, observing everything that I had in this shitstain excuse for an apartment. Like I wasn't self conscious about my tiny, clean apartment already.

 

After he was done silently criticizing everything in my room, he sat down.

 

"Your place is small and cute, kinda like you." 

 

He did not. Shit. What is this doki doki feeling I have in my chest and why am I blushing. What kinda powers does this fuck nugget of a kid have against me, to make me blush right in front of him. How dare he.

 

"Wow. Great pick up line. You might as well sign up to go on The Bachelor and win the chick's heart with the charm that you have been gifted with." I said nonchalantly.

 

"Well I would, if I was straight and I was the one who had to choose which guy I would marry."

…….

 

Did he just say that he wasn't bi and was a bottom. If he did, then I'm one lucky bastard.

 

"Yea, I wish they would just make a show like The Bachelor, but for gay people."

 

"Yea, and I wish that all those shitty romance movies would just show at least one gay couple. Otherwise, all the romance movies feature a boring straight couple who fall in love with the same mediocre setting and storyline."

 

"Exactly, and all those kind of movies just keep getting remade, but with different actors and shit." I said in an agreeing tone.

 

"Yea! But the number one thing that pisses me off is that Hollywood made a movie with a straight couple and tried to hide the abusive relationship by saying it was "BDSM"."

 

"Dude, I hated that movie too. I hated it so much that I just went to see the fucking Spongebob movie in the hopes of it becoming the top of the box office instead of Fifty Shades Of Abuse."

 

"Oh my god, Levi. That's perfect." he said in a surprised and amused tone.

 

"Yea, I am perfect. I just really hate the fact that this country would rather make a film about an abusive relationship, than a happy gay couple."

 

"Yea, I wanna leave this country half the time any of this bullshit goes on again."

 

"Yea, same"  
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

We continued talking for what seemed to be 6 hours straight about LGBT rights, because we had nothing else better to do. Then I realized that it was 2 a.m and I didn't know if this kid went to a college or high school or not and it's a Wednesday. 

 

He was laying on my shitty brown couch with his head on some beat-up pillow and his feet on the arm of the couch and I was on my tiny recliner upside down since I like getting into weird positions for some reason.

 

"Hey, do you have school to go to in the morning?" I asked in a tired voice.

 

"Uhh, no my classes start in the late afternoon so I don't have to sleep that early, thank fuck."

 

Lucky fuck nugget.

 

"Wow. What university do you go to?"

 

"Maria University. Which one do you go to?" he asked in a curious voice.

 

"Rose University. I wanted to go to Sina, but I realized that when I got my rejection letter, that the whole school was filled with sissy bitches with their head stuck in their asses 24/7 since they can't handle the fact that every other school isn't some bullshit fancy university like theirs is."

 

"Wow. I know that fact already since our schools are rivals and all." 

 

"Yea. Still, it's getting late. Do you want me to drive you home?"

 

"Uhm, can I sleep here? I don't wanna bother you with you driving to my house that's fifteen minutes away and I can walk home, really."

 

"There is no way in hell am I letting you walk home in the dark, so you might as well sleep over here."

 

The little fuck nugget decided to squeal and fucking hug me. 

 

"Yay! Thanks for letting me stay over here, personal therapist!"

 

"You're welcome, fuck nugget."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

That conversation was 5 years ago. He was a freshman in college and I was a senior. We started dating after his second year of college. He was taking art classes and I was taking classes in business. Today we have our own house in a cliche suburban neighborhood since we're married and have adopted kids.

 

Eren had just came into bed after putting our youngest kid to bed. 

 

"Ne, Eren."

 

"Yea?"

 

"Do you remember how we first met and how you got the wrong number and shit, but you decided to keep talking to me?"

 

"Oh, yea. Of course I remember that. Why are you asking?" he said in a low voice since he was paranoid of waking up our kid in the next room.

 

"I wanted to know the reason why you continued talking to me, even though I was a sarcastic shit back then."

 

"You're still a sarcastic shit now, Levi."

 

"Yea, I know but stop avoiding the question and tell me." I said, while burying my head in Eren's stomach, just to piss him off.

 

"Okay, okay. I continued talking to you because you sounded like a cute, hot guy on the other end. And I'm being completely honest here." he said while stroking my shitty hair.

 

"Wow. I am completely honored, cinnamon roll. Thanks." I said. I then decided to attack his lips with tiny pecks cause he's my cinnamon roll and deserves to be eaten at some point. 

 

"Leeeevi. Not now, I'm tired as shit."

 

I stopped ambushing him and decided to cuddle into his waist and sigh.

 

"Okay, fine. Night, fuck nugget."

 

"Night, personal therapist."

**Author's Note:**

> yea i tried. I'll try posting the other AU ideas soon so stay tuned to my fics if you enjoyed them i guess


End file.
